The Fifth Commandment

The first four commandments tell us about our relationship with God.  They tell us how we are to believe in God and worship Him.  The remaining six Commandments tell us about our relationship with ourselves and our fellow man.  The Fifth Commandment begins with those closest to us, our parents:

Honor your father and your mother.

The Fifth Commandment

The Fifth Commandment tells us about our relationship with our parents.  Next to God, come our parents: our mother and father.

We are told that if we wish to be in the good grace of our Creator, we must hold our parents in a special state of honor and respect.  We honor and respect our parents for many reasons: God blessed them and gave them the privilege of becoming co-creators with Him.  He gave them the responsibility of raising, nurturing and loving us.  God also gives parents the added blessing of sharing their faith, experiences and virtues with their children.

Parents

We have our physical parents and our spiritual parents, our godparents.  Some of us also have adopted parents.  In either case, our parents love us and want only the best for us.  But sometimes parents and their children come into conflict on their likes and dislikes, as well as their ideas and aspirations.

It is not always easy for a parent to grow and develop in the same way their child does.  A parent remembers how dependent you were when you were a helpless little infant.  Your parents helped you take your first steps.  They helped you through sickness and fears.  All of a sudden, you grew up and no longer needed that same kind of attention.  Some parents go through this adjustment gracefully and easily; most do not.

You, of course, have made the adjustment and want to be treated like an adult.  In return, you feel you are often treated like a child.  When your parents ask you where you were, where you are going, and with whom, you feel like they are the district attorney and you are on the witness stand.  At times, perhaps you are right.  Especially if your parents prejudge you and accuse you of things you do not do.  But perhaps your reaction precipitates and provokes them to treat you as a child.

Do you take the time and explain to them that you are no longer a child?  Do you take the time to help them understand how you feel?  Do you share with them your dreams and hopes, your likes and dislikes, and your fears and anxieties?  Or do you just assume they are uninterested and do not care?  Do you react in a calm way, or do you react with emotion and something that might resemble a child-like temper tantrum?

Some parents do not know how to express themselves, and sometimes react in a negative way.  But whatever the case may be, God still expects us to honor and respect our parents.

What About Abusive Parents?

Unfortunately, there are some parents who are abusive to their children.  There are also some parents who because of selfish motives have very little, if any, time for their children.  If parents do not keep their vow to the Giver of Life, then they will be held accountable for this sin.  If God has commanded us to honor and respect our father and mother, then He also expects responsible and dedicated live on their part.

If parents are abusive to their children; if they mistreat them and harm them in any physical or mental way, certainly children are not required to be obedient and subservient.  These youngsters should speak to their priest and explain the circumstances and environment.  But even children of abusive parents, selfish parents, uninterested parents, must find Christian tolerance in their heart to forgive them.  Abusive parents need prayers and pity, more than they need our contempt and anger.  We must pray that God will enlighten them with wisdom and grace them with understanding to realize their mistakes.  This is the true way of honoring our father and mother, even in such exceptional cases.

Adoption Prayer

Some parents want to have children, but for some reason or another, cannot have children.  Other parents who have children, often will adopt another child either from America or another country.  Both types of parents make a pledge to serve God to raise and nurture their adopted children as their own children.  In fact, adopted children are often called “twice blessed,” because they are especially chosen children.

Our Holy Orthodox Church has a beautiful Adoption Prayer:

Lord our God, Who through Your Beloved Child, our Lord Jesus Christ, has called us to adoption and grace of Your All-powerful Holy Spirit, to be children of God; Who has said “I shall be a Father to him and he shall be a son to Me”; Who are King and loves mankind, look down from Your Holy Dwelling Place upon these new parents.  Although others have given natural birth to this child, unite the child with these parents by Your Holy Spirit.

Keep them firm in Your love; unite them in Your blessing; bless them in Your glory; keep them steadfast in Your faith that they may never violate what flows from their lips, and become the Agent of their promise, so that this relationship which they have professed before You will remain unbreakable all the days of their life, keeping it preserves living in You, our only Living and True God.  And make them worthy to become inheritors of Your Kingdom.

For to You belong all the glory, honor and worship, to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.  Amen.

Then the parents recite: Today you are our son/daughter.  Today we have given spiritual birth to you.  Amen.

Conclusion

Mark Twain once remarked how appalled he was to see how little his parents knew and how shallow their understanding of his problems were, when he was a teenager.  But then, when he entered adulthood, he was amazed at how fast they had learned and how sensitive they suddenly became to his needs.
 

* adapted from Teenage Ten Commandments (Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, 1989)
by Rev. Fr. George Nicozisin